..Do I Have To Be A Robot?..

So my week this week consists of me getting up just in time to quickly eat some thing before I get ready and go to work, I come home make tea and then spend the night on my laptop talking to people I’ve just spent the afternoon with.
Is this going to be my life from now on, trying to work as much as I can so I can pay the bills and eat but stuck in the dead end soul killing job that I hate?

There are so many things I want to do, so many things I want to see.
Everything could end so quickly and so far I’ve not done anything, if I died tomorrow how would people remember me?

As stupid as it seems, trying to peruse something you want is scary… what if you get everything you want and find out you hate it or what if you fail so bad you never fully recover and then spend the rest of your life back in the rut you tried so desperately to get out of.
The world is a scary place and I’ve never really had to deal with anything alone. Standing on my own two feet now, I feel kind of like a child learning to walk; unsure of where to step and which way I should turn.

As I walk down the streets every other person seems so big and one so small, looking up at these faces they all know where they are going and what they are doing, maybe it’s all false, does anyone really know what they want?
You have people who want to be famous and when they get it realise it’s not what they wanted at all.
Call me materialistic but what I do want is money, I want to know I can support myself and get my family (when I do start my own) everything and anything they want, I want them to have the things I only dreamed of having as a child.
The days me and my sister would spend pretending we could have anything we wanted, circling items in magazines hoping they would appear out of no-where are just silly childish games, I hated the jealous feeling I had inside when I saw everyone else getting something I knew I would never possess.

I need to find a way out of this trap I’m caught in, wanting everything and having nothing or is it having everything and wanting nothing or just not knowing what it is you want?
I don’t know what I want, why can’t I figure it out?
I know I want to be happy which I am very much so, I have an amazing circle of friends, and I have a place to live and a Job… I hate it but it’s better than nothing and I’d much rather go to work than stay at home moping around the house and watching day time TV. Jeremy Kyle anyone? I thought not.


Gosh this is such a serious update, I always hated being serious and some what depressing but I think this is something we must all feel at some point in our lives, maybe you haven’t yet.


A life changing experience may be needed!