..It's here..

Happy Christmas everyone. :)
x

..Choices..

So about five months ago I had to make the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, I had to choose between starting a new life 200 miles away from where I live now or staying with no money and no-where to live but I get to have all my friends and job, I decided to stay and moved in with one of my best friends.
For the first few months it was amazing and I would just go out all the time, I love the freedom and feeling that my life was finally 100% mine.

The past month has been hell for me, I’ve been feeling so homesick, I miss my step mum and younger sister like crazy (I pretty much brought my sister up so my parents could work).
I decided to deal with this feeling by going out even more, getting more and more drunk every time and making a fool out of myself.
Now it seems like my friends don’t want to spend time with me, I’ve not been out drinking for 2 weeks, but yesterday I found out my step mum doesn’t want me to visit over the holidays as everyone is really busy with work.
Now I feel so incredibly down and my friends are no where to be seen as they spend most nights out drinking.

I hate the fact I have to spend Christmas alone, I hate it even more I just want someone I care about to be there for me, like I have for them so many times.

I’m thinking I made the wrong choice when I decided to stay, would I have been happier with my family? I don’t even know anymore.

..What Is?..

Something I made and wanted to share with everyone.. :)

..An Interview With Emma..

I quite enjoy taking those random quizzes you find posted in bulletins on MySpace, not that I do them all the time, just when I’m bored. Like now.
So I decided to do one in an interview form and make it about the events of the past year and what I want to happen in 2009, it will be good to look back at this time next year and see if anything I said has come true. :)

Questions taken from www.bzoink.com

..2008..

Overall how was 2008 for you?
2008 was a really good year for me; I learned a lot and made some amazing friends along the way… I think only one bad thing happened this year, which was very sad but nothing could be done about it.

At the start of 2008 did you make any resolutions?
I made a list of things I wanted to happen this year, it included;
Making new friends
Seeing The Mighty Boosh
Moving out of my parents
Going to London
Having more fun
I’ve done everything I wanted to do!

Did you take up any new hobbies?
Drinking, ha-ha!
I must admit I have done a lot of that this year, but I’ve had some amazing times and wouldn’t change it for anything.

What would you say is the biggest thing to have changed for you this year?
Moving out of my parent’s house and living on my own, I must admit I do miss it a lot… but only really when I want food and have no money or when I have to do my washing or cleaning. Ha-ha! I joke, I miss my Step mum and little sister very much!

What’s the biggest change in you?
I’ve become so much more confident in myself I think. I don’t let people push me around any more… At least I don’t think I do.

Have you made many friends this year?
I have indeed!

Over all how many new friends have you made this year?
200+ acquaintances and about 20+ friends

Work much?
I have been in the same Job for 2 years now and have probably not worked as hard as I could have done, but at the end of the day it’s only a job.

How has the love life been for you?
I’ve not really had one this year, for me this year it’s mostly been about one night stands, I’ve not wanted to get tied down with someone else, I wanted to make myself happy first.

Have you had any new experiences, sex wise?
I have actually, discovered some things about my sexuality and everything. Although as open minded as I am, I highly doubt I’m a bisexual.

Have you had to break up with someone this year?
Nope, go me! Just the uncomfortable… ugh get out of my house situation ha-ha.

Have you learned any life lesions that you will take with you into 2009?
Don’t get so drunk you have to get your friends to tell you the events from the night before; they are never fun stories, especially when you nearly get raped by an Asian man in a gay night club.

Do you regret anything you have done?
Yeah I guess.

If so what was it?
I wish I hadn’t got myself banned from Mission, I shall miss going.

..New Years Eve..

How do you plan to spend new years?
With a group of friends at my house, Maybe go to QC? (Queens Court)

Who do you plan to spend it with?
I’m still sorting out who will be coming, people are going all over.

When the ball drops do you plan on kissing anyone?
I’ll probably hug // kiss all my friends

Are you hoping to remember the whole night?
Yeah, I hope to see 2009 in and be able to remember it.

..2009..

Do you have anything planned yet?
Not really, we have ideas for things we should do.

Have you made any resolutions?
I’m working on making a list of things I should achieve by the end of the year.

If so what?
Go to Uni.
Have a holiday with friends.Top last years Birthday.
Get a new job.
Save some money.

If you could have one thing happen in 2009, what would it be?
To not have money problems would be a nice change.

Are you hoping to find a new romance next year?
Hopefully, I think I’ve passed the point where I just want one nighters.

Going on holiday?
Some of us are talking about going to Gran Canaria.

How old will you be turning?
21 again!

When?
June

Do you know what you want to do?
Not yet, maybe a trip to London?

Which friend would you like to see more of?
I would like to spend more time with all my friends, in different situations; not just drunken ones.

..Do I Have To Be A Robot?..

So my week this week consists of me getting up just in time to quickly eat some thing before I get ready and go to work, I come home make tea and then spend the night on my laptop talking to people I’ve just spent the afternoon with.
Is this going to be my life from now on, trying to work as much as I can so I can pay the bills and eat but stuck in the dead end soul killing job that I hate?

There are so many things I want to do, so many things I want to see.
Everything could end so quickly and so far I’ve not done anything, if I died tomorrow how would people remember me?

As stupid as it seems, trying to peruse something you want is scary… what if you get everything you want and find out you hate it or what if you fail so bad you never fully recover and then spend the rest of your life back in the rut you tried so desperately to get out of.
The world is a scary place and I’ve never really had to deal with anything alone. Standing on my own two feet now, I feel kind of like a child learning to walk; unsure of where to step and which way I should turn.

As I walk down the streets every other person seems so big and one so small, looking up at these faces they all know where they are going and what they are doing, maybe it’s all false, does anyone really know what they want?
You have people who want to be famous and when they get it realise it’s not what they wanted at all.
Call me materialistic but what I do want is money, I want to know I can support myself and get my family (when I do start my own) everything and anything they want, I want them to have the things I only dreamed of having as a child.
The days me and my sister would spend pretending we could have anything we wanted, circling items in magazines hoping they would appear out of no-where are just silly childish games, I hated the jealous feeling I had inside when I saw everyone else getting something I knew I would never possess.

I need to find a way out of this trap I’m caught in, wanting everything and having nothing or is it having everything and wanting nothing or just not knowing what it is you want?
I don’t know what I want, why can’t I figure it out?
I know I want to be happy which I am very much so, I have an amazing circle of friends, and I have a place to live and a Job… I hate it but it’s better than nothing and I’d much rather go to work than stay at home moping around the house and watching day time TV. Jeremy Kyle anyone? I thought not.


Gosh this is such a serious update, I always hated being serious and some what depressing but I think this is something we must all feel at some point in our lives, maybe you haven’t yet.


A life changing experience may be needed!

..A Week Later..

'Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying,
I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad,
then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company
through those days so long and black.
And we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve
Of Love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole.
But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall.
Then I think we would see the beauty.
Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges,
like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.'
Bright Eyes - Bowl Of Oranges

I love that song at the moment, I recommend listening to something by Bright Eyes, Their songs are just simply amazing.
Anyway that's not what this post was really about.. I just wanted to write about my week.. It's been rather eventful but then again I do live a bit of a crazy life.

So after my banning from club Mission, which everyone seems to know about.. Not just because I wrote a blog about it // ranted to everyone I knew. But someone actually came up to me in the pub the other day and went, 'you got banned from Mission didn't you?' It was pretty funny though.

So Wednesday I was a little bit unhappy with some of my friends, not for very long though I must admit. I love them to bits and they know it!
It started at about 3 in the morning, take that back it was 3 in the morning on the Thursday durr.
So I'm in bed because I had work that day, but my house mate decides to bring a bunch of my drunken friends back from a night out for a house party.

Obvs they woke me up, I was not at all impressed at first.. after a while It was rather fun and what not.
- Playing dress up the boys
- Playing out in the snow
- Drinking // smoking
- Chatting
- Dancing
- Falling over

So one of the girls that came back ran outside to join in with the snowball fight we had going on, but she had no shoes on. The girl ended up almost severing her little toe // bleeding all over my room // being sick on my floor // falling asleep in it. We had to call an ambulance.. Exciting times. I wasn't too happy about my room though.
My house mate Tom's girlfriend ended up getting some things stolen out of her bag, I felt awful about that because she's so nice and I don't think its fair that these people come to my house and steal, I would never do that!

Thursday was dull

Friday I went out with some friends from work, had a really great night, it was the most fun I've had on a night out in a while that didn't involve bitches // fights // tears.
I took home a guy that I had liked for a while which I was quite pleased about. Nothing happened though.
Spent the next day with him even though I was supposed to be working, It was so worth it.


So today.. as It's now Wednesday I'm going to see The Mighty Boosh, I've had my tickets since January and I'm so excited.. I'll write more about it when I get back but a few friends have seen it already and loved it.

Thats it really I think.
Nothing too interesting just more babble about me and my life!

..Fair?..

• I'm not a thief, okay stealing the odd drink of a friend is me trying to make sure they don't get too drunk, completely selfless act.
• Bouncers are ridiculously rude sometimes, I mean okay so you spend your nights having to deal with drunk out of control people.. your job, if you don't like it then quit.

So I feel I was treated very unfairly last night, I go to Mission every week, have done since January.. I know a lot of people that work there, I've never had a problem with the bouncers since last night.
It was a really good night, I had no money on me but that has never stopped me from having fun, I was getting steadily more and more drunk as the night went on as people kept buying // giving me various drinks and I did steal some from friends. Haha!!
So the staff at Mission had put red balloons up everywhere because red was the 'theme' for the night for World Aids Day.
I took one of the balloons outside with me where some idiot decided to burst it with his cigarette. Me being the over the top drama queen that I am went mental. To make up for it the guy said he'd get me a drink so we went to the bar. I ordered my usual and then walked off to have a dance.
About half an hour later one of the bouncers came up to me and took me outside telling me, that I had stolen that drink.. I was really confused but it turned out the guy refused to pay after I had gone. I explained what had happened but the bouncer was rude and said I blatantly stole it and now I had to pay.. I said I didn't have any money on me but I went to ask my friend Michael if he did. He gave me the money and I paid for the drink.. Problem solved right?
No.. The guy then told me I was leaving because I took too long to pay, he called over one of the bouncers that I happen to know and she took me outside without letting me get my bag or coat.
Luckily my friend who works there found out what had happened and brought me my things.

I really didn't like being treated this way when I've been a loyal customer for so long and have never caused any problems before.

Question..

Has anyone else had any problems where a bouncer has been particularly rude when it has not been necessary?

..December Starts Here..

..The Search Begins..

She knew her mother would be on the phone for a while, which gave the child enough time to hunt for something. She didn't quite know what it was she was searching for but the prospect of finding it was so intense she could barely control her excitement. Sneaking across the hall trying not to make a sound as she tiptoed on the wooden floor. As she reached the door to her parents room, she stopped and listened, she could hear her mothers voice echoing from the kitchen and could tell she was still on the phone. Grasping the silver door knob and turning it as slowly as she could to avoid making any sound she got the door open.
As the young girl entered the room, she glanced out of the window; it was snowing ever so slightly, maybe later she could go out to play.
Stopping for a second time she looked around the room for possible hiding places, under the bed maybe? she thought to herself as she kneeled on the cream carpet. With her ear pressed to the floor she searched under the bed; moving a box which she knew to be full of toys she was not allowed to play with, she didn't quite understand why her parents kept their toys under the bed but the curiosity to find out had long since evaporated.
Nothing here! Sitting up she took another look around the room, she knew that her dad wouldn't keep it in the cupboard but thought it would be worth checking anyway.
As she crossed the room hoping that it wasn't too late to see, her mother called from a distance.
Stopping just as she reached the wardrobe and turning on the spot the girl froze, she wasn't suppose to be in here and if she was caught her mother might just contact Santa and tell him not to bring her anything. Moving as fast as she could she left the room and quietly closed the door behind her.
As she made her way back downstairs the girl wondered how much longer she would have to wait till she got to have them, it seemed like she would be waiting forever...


..Emma..

So I was thinking to myself and remembering all those times me and my older Brother would hunt around the house as it got closer and closer to Christmas.. It made me want to write something.
It's been a while since I have done any writing but I thought this was quite nice considering it's just off the top of my head.

I've updated this thing 3 times in a matter of hours and have so much I could write about.. I just have to find somewhere to start.

..End..